lazaefair

Title: Oranges
Fandom: Night at the Museum
Pairing: Larry/Ahkmenrah

Another one of those spaces between the chaos. (PG)

( 311 words )

New favorite NYTimes article:

British Leader Tries to Rally His Party

I don't particularly care about the state of British politics, but I laughed all the way through the opening paragraphs. It's like the coverage on South Carolina governor Mark Sanford "hiking the Appalachians": sometimes, in the spirit of serious-minded political journalism, hilarity ensues.

So, pet peeve #1 is the stupendous cliché of describing sex like it's a dance.

Pet peeve #2 is something somewhat less serious (occasionally I'll be able to forge ahead with reading a fic even if it comes up) - it is any variant of the phrase "chocolate brown orbs" in reference to eyeballs.

This is a cliché with several layers that need to be peeled apart like a frog on the dissection tray:

1. Orbs. This might be a result of that idiotic "wolf" thing that was big in fandom a few years ago (is it still around?) where simple words for body parts get replaced with more flowery, poetical words that achieve the result of being unnecessary, inaccurate, and annoying - or it's just a result of not wishing to overuse the word "eyes" and unfortunately picking a word that's still unnecessary, inaccurate, and annoying.

"Orb" refers to a three-dimensional sphere. See, that's not what we're looking at when we look someone in the eyes. Orbs, or eyeballs, are weird, squishy things. When you look someone in the eyes you don't want to be picturing looking deeply into something that looks like this. (It's a guy with a cow eyeball in his mouth, not that gross, but probably NSFW.) That's why we have eyelids and eyebrows and things: so what we really wind up seeing is the gorgeously colored iris and mysterious pupil, set off by the various subtle configurations of eyelid and eyebrow that are what really telegraph the soulful emotions that fanfic writers are big on writing about.

I get that sometimes you've written "eyes" way too many times in the preceding paragraphs, you need another word, fine. Just don't use "orb," unless you want to conjure up images in your readers' minds of round squishy things set in the hollows of a naked skull. Or buttocks. (Scroll to the bottom of the page.)

2. Chocolate brown.

Gah.

I just.

GAH.

I can't find it anymore, but I read a badfic years ago, I believe Hermione/Viktor, which featured chocolate eyes (hers) and caramel eyes (his) that met and swirled together into a veritable sundae of passionate flavors. The worst part is they actually wrote the 'sundae' line - in complete seriousness.

So, I think this is enough to sum up why describing eyes in terms of ice cream flavors is a bad idea. Anyway, chocolate comes in tons of shades, so in the end the epithet is ultimately meaningless, and just exposes lazy writing.

You'd be better off writing "looked into his angry eyes" or "looked into his eyes and flinched at the anger in them." Most of the time the focus is going to be on the emotions anyway - what does color have to do with it? Unless it has actually consciously registered with the POV character that s/he is looking at brown eyes - s/he's studying their color or the eyes are some stupendously stunning shade that's obvious the way wearing a garish striped suit would be obvious - there is very little purpose in pointing out eyeball color every damn time you write about said orbs.

The museum and its historical figures can be kind of intimidating. Larry copes. (Gen, G)
Kind of a lame drabble, but I needed to post/write something to keep my momentum going.

( 287 words )

I take it back. The OT3-iest threesome that ever 3-ed isn't Samurai Champloo or Hancock. It's Singin' In The Rain. Seriously. Go look up the Good Morning song and tell me that's not a scene that fairly screams threesome. The scenes immediately preceding and following only serve as further evidence: It takes both Cosmo and Kathy to console Don over The Dueling Cavalier! They stay up the whole night talking! Cosmo comes up with a way to save Don's career and boost Kathy's! Cosmo and Kathy snuggle on the couch and Don doesn't care! Kathy makes out with Don and Cosmo! (Seriously, not making this up.) And then every scene after that there is no Don-and-Kathy ever, it's always Don-and-Kathy-and-Cosmo. They're totally in love, guys.

Also, it doesn't help that, apparently, 95% of fic for this movie are either threesome or Don/Cosmo. Sometimes I really love fandom.

So believe it or not, I do actually work on writing stuff in the months-long silences on this journal. I just have a bad habit of editing and re-editing existing material instead of adding on new material, meaning I have tons of unfinished, yet polished half-fics sitting in my writing journal. Anyway, I'm posting now because I have a fic snippet that fills me with glee and will also serve as a teaser for the larger fic that I'm working on. For all the EUReKA fans on my flist:

*

*

Allison looked at him blankly. "At least we got you back before you were due to start menstruation."

Jack shuddered. "And that's a thought I never, ever want to entertain. Ever."

Trouble in the Museum. (G)
Larry & Ahkmenrah

( 176 words )

Another quiet moment full of UST. (PG)
Larry/Ahkmenrah

( 400 words )

[This is for you, be_themoon!]

Life in the museum is about the spaces between the chaos. (G) Larry/Ahkmenrah

( 191 words )

A walk in the park, across the street from the Museum. (G) Larry/Ahkmenrah

( 172 words )

It looked interesting, so I took it. Then I wound up taking far too long to fill it out. I've been around fandoms since I was 12, I keep surprising myself with remembering yet more couples that I ship or have shipped. And then I busy myself over-analyzing them. No wonder it's taken four days...

( Mild spoilers for some of the pairings, so be warned. )

Title: At the Beginning
Author: Lazaefair
Fandom: Narnia
Rating: G

There is, like, no existing fic for the first King and Queen, Frank and Helen of Narnia. Well, here's my contribution.

( 421 words )

Title: Pepper's first
Author: Lazaefair
Fandom: Iron Man (movie)
Rating: G

Totally not what the title implies. It's actually a little look at Pepper's life and stuff I made up wholesale, complete with pseudo-cathartic resolution.

( 790 words )

At this rate, my 'unfinished' writing folder will be empty by...next year!

Two ficlet follow-ups to my unholy Veronica Mars and Harry Potter crossover! Better known as Veronica and Hermione shenanigans!

First ficlet is found here.

I'm working on a third ficlet, but I wanted to get rid of these first two, which have been sitting in that darn folder for over a year.

Ficlet #1
Title: Again with the stick-waving
Author: Lazaefair/Zerethshahar
( 302 words )



***************


Ficlet #2
Title: Wizards like Scotch too
Author: Lazaefair/Zerethshahar
( 420 words )

Title: In Greece
Author: Lazaefair/Zerethshahar
Fandom: The Bourne Identity (movie)
Rating: G

Set immediately after The Bourne Identity, so spoilers for that one. Jason and Marie and PTSD.

( 651 words )

Maybe the beginning of something if I can get off my writing tush and do something with it. Lewis left a lot of holes in the creation of Narnia world and I've lately been trying to build something consistent with what we know.

By: Lazaefair/Zerethshahar

****

The first people of the land that came to be known as Calormen at first failed to realize they'd walked out of Earth. Ahmad ibn Sa’id al-Bahili led his family away from the village of his birth on the eve of his twenty-fifth year, fleeing an old tribal conflict that had plagued their people since the stars had blessed the father of his fathers, countless generations ago.

It is unknown what prayer uttered by Ahmad's wife, what curse the village elders had heaped upon Ahmad's head just prior to his fleeing, or what unseen agency of magic led them to an opening into Narnia's world. Their footprints in the sand on Earth vanished into thin air.

Magical or not, the desert in either world is wide, and full of treacheries. Ahmad and his wife saw no need to question the appearance of an oasis where none had ever been named, in even the oldest village lore. They were simply grateful for the refreshment of a little spring of water and the shade of the little grove of trees around it. At that time, the living magic that Aslan had infused into the land itself during creation had faded, so no fantastical constructs grew out of the earth where Ahmad's family camped for the night.

That first night, in the depths of the witching hour, Ahmad rose from his slumber like a man enchanted. A liquid burbling, like a woman's bathing song, drew him irresistibly towards the center of the grove, not really awake. He found the nymph of the spring combing her wet hair by the pool. Ahmad lay with the nymph and got her with child, and went on his way the next morning thinking it merely a dream. Nine months later, the nymph gave birth and thus the first child of that realm was born, preceding Queen Helen of Narnia's child by a year.

I give you Night at the Museum slash: Larry Daley/Ahkmenrah would be really hot. The quiet, thoughtful young former pharaoh comes to admire Larry's quick, impulsive nature and charming combination of innocence and world-weary cynicism, etc. In the inevitable NC-17 fic where they're in an unused exhibit room, there is the line, "the ancient oil's subtle fragrance filled the room, unbearably erotic."
( Read more... )

And now I really, really want to read slash fic featuring Chris Pine's Kirk and Zachary Quinto's Spock. Impulsive physicality throwing himself at impassive intellectuality. Fuck, the scene where Kirk gets right up to Spock (kissing distance, natch) and ruthlessly provokes him to "emotional compromise" and unleashes the inner rage in Mr. Pointy-Ears and Spock surges at Kirk...well, I shivered.

I may be beyond all hope of recovery.

To my everlasting surprise, I got an invite code from Dreamwidth.

I'm now zerethshahar over there. It is interesting. I like it. I've also swooped in on the early days of fandom community and claimed three communities. Muahahaha, internet power.

I commented on em2mb's journal so I guess it's my turn.

The first FIVE people to comment in this post get to request a drabble/ficlet. In return, they have to post this in their journal, regardless of their ability level.

I'll write any of the fandoms listed in my tags. Hell, I'll write fandoms I've never encountered before, because I'm like that.