lazaefair

It might not quite measure up to the bizarre Bill Nye & Harry Potter crossover I found a while ago, but the stuff I stumbled on fifteen minutes ago is still kind of a disconcerting corner of fandom. I am of course referring to RPS figure skater fanvids.

Johnny Weir/Evan Lysacek: "It's a Destiny"
Jeffrey Buttle/Evan Lysacek "humour montage"

Man, Lysacek gets around. Of course, it completely helps that all three are some of the prettiest men to ever grace the face of the earth. I admit the pr0n would be pretty smokin'. Bonus clip: Evan and Jeffrey hold hands!

So apparently it's really difficult to write for one fandom when you've been marinating in a different fandom entirely for the past week or so and the second fandom's style is starting to seep into the writing for the first fandom. It been honestly pretty disturbing whenever Larry Daley starts talking and thinking like Dean Winchester. D:

Argh, writer's block. Argh, argh, argh.

Here, have a drabblet.

Untitled Star Trek Reboot
Uhura and Gaila discuss interspecies sex (G)


( 270 words )

Untitled
Fandom: Samurai Champloo
Mugen/Yatsuha
(PG for swears)

( 152 words )

031. Sunrise
Fandom: Night at the Museum
Pairing: Larry/Ahkmenrah

Things are uncertain at every beginning. (G)

( 552 words )

Post one-to-two sentences of every unfinished piece of writing you have, fic or non; maybe it will motivate you to finish.

1. Somehow, when he rolled over on his back with an agonizing grind of his muscles, Larry knew exactly what he'd see in his field of vision: a row of faces bending over him, most of them probably not doing a very good job of hiding their grins.
( Read more... )

Seriously, guys, it's a huge freaking accomplishment for me to put out anything more than 500 words, and now I've got three 1000+ word fics sitting in my writing folder with no end in sight.

Title: Hot Steamy Drinks
Fandom: Night at the Museum
Pairing: Larry/Ahkmenrah UST

It's rated G, but I don't remember if I put in any expletives.

Larry and Ahkmenrah take some downtime.

( 1562 words )

Title: Lunch
Fandom: Night At The Museum
Pairing: Larry/Ahkmenrah UST

We're back to the pre-relationship dance again. Oh well. Rated G, though there are a few expletives.

( 947 words )

Title: Oranges
Fandom: Night at the Museum
Pairing: Larry/Ahkmenrah

Another one of those spaces between the chaos. (PG)

( 311 words )

New favorite NYTimes article:

British Leader Tries to Rally His Party

I don't particularly care about the state of British politics, but I laughed all the way through the opening paragraphs. It's like the coverage on South Carolina governor Mark Sanford "hiking the Appalachians": sometimes, in the spirit of serious-minded political journalism, hilarity ensues.

So, pet peeve #1 is the stupendous cliché of describing sex like it's a dance.

Pet peeve #2 is something somewhat less serious (occasionally I'll be able to forge ahead with reading a fic even if it comes up) - it is any variant of the phrase "chocolate brown orbs" in reference to eyeballs.

This is a cliché with several layers that need to be peeled apart like a frog on the dissection tray:

1. Orbs. This might be a result of that idiotic "wolf" thing that was big in fandom a few years ago (is it still around?) where simple words for body parts get replaced with more flowery, poetical words that achieve the result of being unnecessary, inaccurate, and annoying - or it's just a result of not wishing to overuse the word "eyes" and unfortunately picking a word that's still unnecessary, inaccurate, and annoying.

"Orb" refers to a three-dimensional sphere. See, that's not what we're looking at when we look someone in the eyes. Orbs, or eyeballs, are weird, squishy things. When you look someone in the eyes you don't want to be picturing looking deeply into something that looks like this. (It's a guy with a cow eyeball in his mouth, not that gross, but probably NSFW.) That's why we have eyelids and eyebrows and things: so what we really wind up seeing is the gorgeously colored iris and mysterious pupil, set off by the various subtle configurations of eyelid and eyebrow that are what really telegraph the soulful emotions that fanfic writers are big on writing about.

I get that sometimes you've written "eyes" way too many times in the preceding paragraphs, you need another word, fine. Just don't use "orb," unless you want to conjure up images in your readers' minds of round squishy things set in the hollows of a naked skull. Or buttocks. (Scroll to the bottom of the page.)

2. Chocolate brown.

Gah.

I just.

GAH.

I can't find it anymore, but I read a badfic years ago, I believe Hermione/Viktor, which featured chocolate eyes (hers) and caramel eyes (his) that met and swirled together into a veritable sundae of passionate flavors. The worst part is they actually wrote the 'sundae' line - in complete seriousness.

So, I think this is enough to sum up why describing eyes in terms of ice cream flavors is a bad idea. Anyway, chocolate comes in tons of shades, so in the end the epithet is ultimately meaningless, and just exposes lazy writing.

You'd be better off writing "looked into his angry eyes" or "looked into his eyes and flinched at the anger in them." Most of the time the focus is going to be on the emotions anyway - what does color have to do with it? Unless it has actually consciously registered with the POV character that s/he is looking at brown eyes - s/he's studying their color or the eyes are some stupendously stunning shade that's obvious the way wearing a garish striped suit would be obvious - there is very little purpose in pointing out eyeball color every damn time you write about said orbs.

The museum and its historical figures can be kind of intimidating. Larry copes. (Gen, G)
Kind of a lame drabble, but I needed to post/write something to keep my momentum going.

( 287 words )

I take it back. The OT3-iest threesome that ever 3-ed isn't Samurai Champloo or Hancock. It's Singin' In The Rain. Seriously. Go look up the Good Morning song and tell me that's not a scene that fairly screams threesome. The scenes immediately preceding and following only serve as further evidence: It takes both Cosmo and Kathy to console Don over The Dueling Cavalier! They stay up the whole night talking! Cosmo comes up with a way to save Don's career and boost Kathy's! Cosmo and Kathy snuggle on the couch and Don doesn't care! Kathy makes out with Don and Cosmo! (Seriously, not making this up.) And then every scene after that there is no Don-and-Kathy ever, it's always Don-and-Kathy-and-Cosmo. They're totally in love, guys.

Also, it doesn't help that, apparently, 95% of fic for this movie are either threesome or Don/Cosmo. Sometimes I really love fandom.

So believe it or not, I do actually work on writing stuff in the months-long silences on this journal. I just have a bad habit of editing and re-editing existing material instead of adding on new material, meaning I have tons of unfinished, yet polished half-fics sitting in my writing journal. Anyway, I'm posting now because I have a fic snippet that fills me with glee and will also serve as a teaser for the larger fic that I'm working on. For all the EUReKA fans on my flist:

*

*

Allison looked at him blankly. "At least we got you back before you were due to start menstruation."

Jack shuddered. "And that's a thought I never, ever want to entertain. Ever."

Trouble in the Museum. (G)
Larry & Ahkmenrah

( 176 words )

Another quiet moment full of UST. (PG)
Larry/Ahkmenrah

( 400 words )

[This is for you, be_themoon!]

Life in the museum is about the spaces between the chaos. (G) Larry/Ahkmenrah

( 191 words )

A walk in the park, across the street from the Museum. (G) Larry/Ahkmenrah

( 172 words )

It looked interesting, so I took it. Then I wound up taking far too long to fill it out. I've been around fandoms since I was 12, I keep surprising myself with remembering yet more couples that I ship or have shipped. And then I busy myself over-analyzing them. No wonder it's taken four days...

( Mild spoilers for some of the pairings, so be warned. )

Title: At the Beginning
Author: Lazaefair
Fandom: Narnia
Rating: G

There is, like, no existing fic for the first King and Queen, Frank and Helen of Narnia. Well, here's my contribution.

( 421 words )